GAIN NOT LOSS

Almost seven years ago, I stood in front of a group of my closest friends and family and said these words I had prayerfully written: 

“I’m so thankful for a God who loved me when I was unlovable, so that I can stand here and love you now and promise that I will love you forever. I don’t believe that love is just a feeling that can come and go because I believe that love is a choice. Today in front of our friends and family, I choose you, now and every day for the rest of our lives. I choose you in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, in laughter and in tears, in good times and in bad, when it’s easy and when it’s hard. I have no idea what the future may bring; whatever measure of challenges or joys or blessings or pain God deems best, but I know He holds the future and I know you hold my hand...” But this love story doesn’t have a fairy tale ending. And I truly had no idea what our future would bring. While there would be abounding joys and blessings in the years that followed, there would also be challenges and pain I could have never anticipated. Today is my third divorcary.* While I don't keep my marriage and subsequent divorce secret, I have never “publicly” addressed them...until now...because today I want to say this: Friendship isn’t like marriage. (Shocking, I know.) There is no white dress. No preacher facilitating your vows. No photographer capturing every moment. No carefully written promises for the future. No legal document acknowledging your commitment. No party celebrating love with all the most important people in your life. No yearly remembrance of the day when you decided to choose another person above yourself.  But yet… The closest depiction to soul mates in the Bible is between Jonathan and David--friends. It describes their friendship in the following way, “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Johnathan loved him as his own soul.” Real friends--those rare, true, beautiful, lifelong friends--bring an immeasurable amount of love. No one will ever write a movie script romanticizing these relationships. Little girls won’t spend hours dreaming about when they will meet their best girlfriends. In fact, I don’t even know the exact date many of these friendships began. These relationships are often overlooked and undervalued, but they are not second best. These soul-knitting friends have strengthened my hand in God by helping me clearly see and deeply know Him. Marriage is good. But so is this. So today, I choose to think about what I have gained instead of what I have lost. Today in front of God and all the random people who will read this, I want to share these new words I have prayerfully written to my people:  “I’m so thankful for a God who loved me when I was unlovable, so that with grace I can be present in this moment and see the many ways He continues to demonstrate love through you in my life. I don’t know how long you will be in my life or I will be in yours, but as long as our souls are knit together, I will continually work to be the kind of friend Johnathan was to David.  Today, I choose to love you as my own soul. When I am doubting, scared, or prideful, I will choose to pursue vulnerability, authenticity, and intimacy. I will choose to ignore Satan’s lies and have confidence in what I know to be true. I will choose to be selfless, understanding, and gracious. I will stand beside you through the questions, roadblocks, and heartbreaks we will face. I will celebrate with you through the milestones, accomplishments, and victories we will achieve. Thank you for offering healing love. Love that I’m learning to trust. Love that scares me but makes me brave enough to feel again.  Thank you for reaching out your hand. A hand that I am hesitant to lean on but has always been there when I decide to jump. Thank you for giving me a safe place to land. A place where I am welcomed and loved and seen for exactly who I am. I promise to offer you healing love, an outstretched hand, and a safe space to be truly seen. I know better than some that life is unpredictable—an equal measure of hard and amazing and messy and beautiful. I still know that God holds the future, and I know that you will hold my hands as we run home to heaven." Friends, I love you.

*anniversary of my divorce