The Whole Story

“So does this mean you are going to write more on your blog this year?” 

My stomach dropped to the floor. Nope. Definitely not. I love to write. I believe it is both healing and connecting to wrap words around experiences...but I don’t have to share to do that. Making writing public always feels too raw, exposing, and vulnerable. It’s trusting that someone will remember the context of my writing because I can’t say everything I think or feel at one time. I can’t disclaim away or reassure you of everything I know to be true and strive to trust after every sentence. And honestly, sometimes I think and feel things that aren’t true. I know that. God is working on me. I’m growing, but I’m not there yet.  

For example, sometimes I feel lonely. I know I’m not alone. I know God is beside me. I know loneliness is human but also too self-focused. I know I have people who love me that are on my team. But still I feel lonely. 

Sometimes I am afraid. I know God has gotten me through all of my worst days. I know He holds the future. I know that fear can indicate I am being too self-reliant or placing cares of this world above God. I know that perfect love casts out fear. But still I am afraid.

Sometimes I want to run away. I know that growth happens in the trenches. I know that running away isn’t the answer (just ask David). I know that this, right here, is refining me. I know that the suffering today can’t even be compared to the glory to come. I know that I have been exceedingly abundantly blessed. But still I long to escape. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that what I write will always be just part of the story. And I have to trust you, as the reader, to season it with salt...to sift my words. And you probably won’t always do that. You will think I am silly, immature, selfish, prideful, worldly, emotional, or dramatic...and you will be right. I am that sometimes. But that's not the whole story.

So when my stomach dropped, I knew that through writing I could be brave and vulnerable.

Bravely vulnerable. 

And perhaps through writing you can see the transforming power of my God.

Current nightstand to be read list.